So you think you want a puppy?

I wrote this for a Dobermann magazine following one of the best days of my life (at the time). The day when I was finally allowed after 6 years of persuading my then boyfriend that I needed to get a dog!! Anyone thinking along similar lines should read it...although I know many people who have gone through the same thing perfectly harmoniously but of course, not me...Be careful what you wish for!!

Best Laid Plans...

So you think you want a puppy?

You grew up with dogs that were adored family pets and you have always had a romantic notion that when the conditions are right, you will get yourself your very own dog, one that no one can take away and one that you can mould to be a beautifully behaved, loyal companion and a best friend that goes everywhere with you.

Then reality hits…

When I brought Jake home, I was so happy I thought I would burst. This was the culmination of 6 years worth of persuading the other half that having another dog would make me happier than anything else. The decision was certainly not taken lightly. I even left work in order to afford me all the time in the world for training and socialisation etc. As we drove the 4 hours home however, I must admit that it suddenly hit me what a huge change this would mean to my life. I had left work and would be “at home” all day, I wouldn’t be able to go out as and when for unspecified amounts of time without having to prepare first and I also suddenly realised that I knew nothing about puppy rearing. I had read all the usual books and stuff but still suddenly became very daunted by the prospect of it all. So when we got home, I was pleased to find that the little bundle just wanted a huge long cuddle and a long sleep. The funniest bit was how he reduced Tony to a soppy mess, there must have been 150 photos taken of the Mock that first evening.

We all went to bed tired but happy …for all of two minutes before the howling started. We lived out in the middle of nowhere thankfully, because I swear to god, by the noise the doglet was making, you’d have thought someone was trying to kill him. That first night was hell. You know what you should or shouldn’t do but what you do is invariably different. At the beginning of the howling, I swore I wouldn’t pander to it and keep going downstairs, but by 4 hours of constant wailing later, I was tearing my hair out. I went downstairs to be greeted by a room full of wees and poos. Incredible amounts of that come from someone so small, I would never have believed it if I hadn’t seen it myself (and from then on night after night for months).

The first morning I came back downstairs I felt like I hadn’t slept for a month and proceeded to embark on what I was later to find out was the new “morning routine”. Before I could even really open my eyes, I had to take pup out for toilets and then return and contain the little monster whilst I mopped the entire kitchen floor. By 6 months, I swear I could mop that floor whilst asleep. I would sleep with one eye open whilst imagining I could hear the little git weeing all over my kitchen. I became truly a woman possessed.

For the first several months, I remember tiptoeing around when Jake was asleep, praying to god that he wouldn’t wake up and I could have the luxury of having a bath or gasp, having the time to put the washing away. When he was awake, everything was difficult. Sorting washing was obviously a game for his benefit, ironing used to be impossible to do without Jake in his crate as he would tug on the cord and I would turn to see the iron toppling, I’d go to the loo, he’d howl, I’d make a phone call, he’d bite my ankles.

And speaking of biting – you give them love and shelter and food and they bite you, constantly!! My god, those little needle teeth are like razor blades on fragile hands. I remember going for a blood test a month into having Jake and the nurse asked me if I was being battered due to all the bruises and scratches all over my arms.

And the number one pastime of all for the little demon Dobe is getting up to mischief and being naughty. I’ve lost count of the things he’s done to humiliate me or upset me. I read Gwen Bailey’s the perfect puppy, Jake obviously decided it wasn’t his cup of tea as he shredded it. I think it was then that I well and truly realised that it didn’t bode well …

There was the time when after starting basic obedience we were the ONLY people in the class who were made to redo the course and were not allowed to graduate, prompting much mirth and merriment from friends and family, oh the humiliation.

Then of course there was the time that I took Jake to the playing fields for a lovely blat about and before I knew it he had run off and stolen a 5 year old child’s football, piercing it in the process and then refusing to either give it back or be caught by me for the next 30 minutes. Of course, being on a dog walk I didn’t go armed with any money but out of sheer embarrassment I do remember offering the father a mobile phone!!

And only two days ago, he decided that he recognised a man whilst on our walk and proceeded to play bow at him followed by running at him full pelt!! He’s never seen this guy before but from the look on his face, you’d think he was a long lost playmate. The guy was completely understanding at first, but I have to say, I think his patience wore thin when after refusing to come back to me, Jake allowed the gentleman past only to run at him from behind and jump on his back knocking him flat on the floor. I know he was only trying to give him a kiss but come on, it’s hardly acceptable behaviour.

I’ve learnt that one can only apologise so much before it becomes superfluous and insincere. I wouldn’t mind if I hadn’t bothered training him. We currently go to training classes two evenings a week and what do you think it’s taught him – How to play the game of course. He is now a different dog to days of old in training classes but of course, he has incentive there. Enter an interesting blade of grass of bit of horse poo into the equation and you can forget it.

Don’t get me wrong he does have his good points. He’s friendly as anything (which may be a disadvantage for one with such a long tongue!!!), he’s never actually destroyed anything in my house (touch wood) and you hear so much about puppies chewing things up. He never disappears when off lead (you just have to put him back on quick before he clocks anything more interesting than you or you’re fighting a losing battle), he’s good with other dogs (although he does become tiresome to them reasonably quickly as he’s like a leaping salmon!!) and he’s damn good company (when he’s asleep)

Okay so now I sound like I hate my beautiful boy, I don’t but believe me, it’s been an education and I wouldn’t be without my little Mock. Occasionally now, at 15 months, I see flashes of the brilliant dog he will turn out to be. When he’s not with me, I feel like a part of me is missing, that I left something behind. It may just be that some people are more patient than others and I may have to just face the fact that I prefer my dogs, like my people, when they’re more mature and easy to relate to!!

Many a time I sat sobbing on the kitchen floor, me a grown woman, having been reduced to a blubbering wreck, mad as hell one minute with Jake and then looking straight up into the most beautiful big brown eyes and reminding me what all the effort is for. He drives me absolutely nuts but when he gets up out of his bed just to come and give me a kiss before going back to bed, I know it’s worth it. It reminds me of that famous Vinnie Jones quote - “It’s been emotional.”